


Right?

by A Crimson Phoenix (cw151)



Series: The Winters Universe [5]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Babyfic, Clintasha - Freeform, F/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-29
Updated: 2014-09-29
Packaged: 2018-02-19 07:02:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2379194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cw151/pseuds/A%20Crimson%20Phoenix





	Right?

The next morning, Natasha woke up as the rays of the early sun fell through the window of her med room. She’d told Clint to sleep in their apartment, promising that she’d call him if anything happened. It was only a few stories, after all. Clint had needed less convincing than she thought, and left in the late evening after Dr. Kapoor and Mary.

 

So far, there hadn’t been a sign from any of the other Tower’s occupants either, which Natasha was silently grateful for.

 

Another thing she was grateful for was her superhuman healing. She almost felt her old self again this morning, and promptly stood up to take a proper shower and to get dressed into something other than the hospital gown.

 

When she returned from the bathroom, she sat down on the edge of her bed and thoughtfully stared down at the baby sleeping peacefully in it. Slowly, she reached out and lifted the baby into her arms, gradually moving back on to her bed to lean against the headboard. She pulled her legs up on to the bed for some additional support, and just stared at the bundle in her arms.

 

 

In the morning sun, the baby’s red fluff was even more pronounced, and her crystal blue eyes were firmly closed. Natasha’s gaze continued on to the girl’s tiny nose and lips, down the curve of her chin, to the tiny hands that currently opened and closed on their own accord.

 

Carefully, Natasha ran one finger through the baby’s hair and all the way down its cheek. At that, the girl started moving her head, and as Natasha already mentally berated herself for waking the child, she found that there was no onslaught of crying, but only two curious eyes looking up to her. Natasha’s finger was still mid-air in front of her, and it felt like lighting when a tiny hand suddenly got a hold of it, refusing to let go. Natasha couldn’t stop a slight smile from spreading across her lips.

 

“Got your mother’s reflexes, I see,” she replied, amused. The girl’s eyes just grew wider, and all of a sudden, broke out into a smile of her own.

 “And the cheek of your father,” Natasha added, quietly laughing to herself now. Her finger was still tight in the little one’s grasp.

“Don’t you want to let go?” Natasha whispered, turning serious again. The girl just smiled wider in response and jerked her hand holding Natasha around.

 

“But I won’t be able to take care of you,” Natasha continued, her voice low. “As much as I wish I could…” She swallowed hard, and the girl’s smile faded. Instead, she jerked Natasha’s finger around once more. Natasha’s throat started to constrict and she had to clear it.

“I’m not made to be a mom,” she stated to the little one in front of her. “I couldn’t stay off the field. I couldn’t stop being me. And I definitely couldn’t expose you to the life we live.”

 

The girl just continued staring at her and drew Natasha’s finger to her mouth. “Are you hungry?” Natasha asked, still wistful. She latched the baby on and continued to watch her as she drank hungrily.

 

The girl looked so peaceful and content. Right after Natasha had carefully entangled her finger from the baby’s grasp to nurse her, the girl had gotten hold of Natasha’s shirt, and it didn’t look like she was going to let go anytime soon. If Natasha hadn’t known it any better, she’d have thought that the child was trying to stop her from leaving her.

 

But that was ridiculous. This was just a baby. And that light tugging on her top certainly did not make Natasha feel as if someone was tugging at her heart.

 

 

The girl had fallen asleep again when Clint came down. She was still holding on to Natasha’s shirt, and Natasha was just trying to get comfortable with the baby secured to herself when Clint quietly entered the room. He looked terrible, as if he hadn’t slept all night.

 

“Hey,” he said, stopping at the foot of her bed.

“Hey,” Natasha replied. “What’s wrong?” Her gaze scrutinized his disheveled appearance and his tired eyes. Shifting carefully to not disturb the child, she put her free hand down next to her to signal him to come sit next to her. Hesitantly, Clint did. His back remained to the middle to the bed, though, and sideways to Natasha and the girl in her arms. He balled his hands into fists.

 

“I can’t do this. I thought I could, but… I can’t.” His voice sounded rough. Natasha squeezed his shoulder with her free hand.

“Can’t do what?” she asked calmly. Clint seemed to wrestle with himself, breathing heavily. He buried his face in his hands.

“I can’t give her away. You were right. I’ve wanted this for a long time. And I will still want this after today. I want a family,” he said, his voice breaking, muffled behind his hands.

Natasha froze for a second, but then let go of his shoulder, got up and placed the girl into her crib while carefully but determinedly disentangling her shirt. Fortunately, the girl did not wake up.

 

Afterwards, Natasha moved back to her spot on the bed facing Clint’s side and placed her hand at the back of his neck. He was still trying to gain composure and dropped his hands to stare straight ahead.

“I _know_ that you don’t want to be off the field, and I would never ask you to give that up. I _know_ that our child would never be safe. I _know_ that the only sensible thing to do is to give her up for adoption. I _know_ , I _know_ , but I just can’t do it. I have no idea how to get out of this.” he said, his voice a bit calmer but still thick with emotion. He blinked several times, and Natasha could tell that he was fighting back tears.

 

She lightly massaged the back of his head and Clint closed his eyes.

 

“I tried so hard to shut her out. To not care. I haven’t even seen her – ever. Not on that ultrasound picture, and not in real life. I’m not even looking at her right now, but I still can’t give her up.” He swallowed hard.

 

Natasha wasn’t too surprised by this. She’d noticed how he’d kept all conversation regarding her pregnancy to the bare minimum. He also hadn’t touched her stomach the entire time she was pregnant, not even when the baby had started to move. And thinking back at the events of yesterday and this morning, it was true – he hadn’t once looked at the child.

 

Clint turned his head and looked at her dejectedly.

“I love you Natasha, more than anything. I want you to be happy. But somehow, this is tearing me apart.” he said, tears finally burning in his eyes. Natasha’s heart broke, and she was desperately trying to figure out what to say, what to do. She raised her other arm and intertwined both of her hands at the back of Clint’s neck, massaging his skin.

 

From the corner of her eye, she could see the girl in her crib lifting her arm lightly and grasping at thin air.

 

Natasha closed her eyes and sent out a prayer to the gods she’d stopped to believe in so long ago. Then she leaned her forehead against Clint’s, and he closed his eyes.

 

 

“You’re right, I don’t want to be off the field any longer.” She paused. “But more than that, I want you. And I want _you_ to be happy. I love you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. I never thought that I could ever trust anyone again, let alone love anyone. Being a mother wasn’t something I planned or wanted. But if you really want this – “ Natasha took a deep breath to steel herself and fixed her eyes on to Clint’s face with a resolute look. “Then I want it, too.”

 

Clint slowly opened his eyes, incredulous.

 

“You always give so much and ask so little,” Natasha continued, trying to sound calm and firm despite the doubt raging inside her. “How could I refuse you one of the few things you actually want for yourself?”

 Clint’s tired eyes started to glow. “Really?” he asked, disbelieving.

 Natasha smiled lightly and nodded. “Yeah.” she replied and glanced over to the crib. “As a matter of fact, this little one has been trying her best to convince me, too.”

 

 

Clint pulled Natasha in a rib-crushing embrace and kissed her passionately. “God, I love you so much!” he breathed.

Natasha raised an eyebrow and smirked.

“Remember that when you’ll ask Coulson for paternal leave from your new Special Director position,” she replied. “I think we can both agree that it is now my turn to get out of the house and to work on a daily basis.”

 

 

Clint grinned. “Absolutely.” He kissed her again. Then his smile faded a little.

”We’ll figure this out, right?” he asked, searching her eyes.

Natasha’s smirk faded as well and she returned his look almost pensively.

 

“Yeah,” she said.  

 

 


End file.
